How to Use the Weave
The opinions expressed here are solely the author's and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of the LA Progressive.
The weave, originated and perfected by Donald Trump, is no longer just for politicians. I will give the transcript of a recent job applicant’s interview in which he employed the weave. First, some key tools and benefits in using the weave.
It allows you to connect with your audience by throwing in beguiling personal anecdotes, sprinkled with humor. Clever or even insulting nicknames can help solidify your case.
It is emotionally healthy. You don’t want to just sit on your anger; it is much more cathartic to air your grievances. This will help you feel good about yourself while making your pitch, which will induce a similar vibe in your audience.
Projection is an essential tool to protect yourself, not just against accusations of misconduct but also from exposure of the more unsavory aspects of your character. Consequently, you can and should claim that it is actually your competition that is guilty of whatever you have been accused of. This should muddy the waters enough to neutralize the issue. Remember, you can make things up out of thin air and don’t need evidence; it is just a matter of seeming to know that what you are saying is true.
Going into a long weave digression allows you to create a distraction so that you can safely avoid answering the question that you have been asked.
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Interview of Harry Mobeus for the sales manager job of a medical supplies company. The job search has been narrowed down to just two candidates, Harry Mobeus and Liz Block.
Question. Hello, Mr. Mobeus. In your previous job with Sales Are Us, you turned a company on the verge of bankruptcy into a very profitable business. However, we have concerns about your reputation for using unethical and possibly illegal tactics. Can you reassure us that there is little risk in hiring you?
Answer. I’m glad you asked about that. Speaking of risk, your previous sales manager, Joe Duncan, was recently killed in a car accident. I met him once at a golf weekend. Terrific guy, but a lousy golfer, and liked to take mulligans. He complimented me on my ability to make long putts. I’m even better at teeing off.
Joe was a really smart person, unlike that low I.Q. Liz Block. Boy, is she a piece of work, the likes of which have never been seen. I was advised not to say anything negative about her, but what the hell, my enemies twist everything I say to try to make me look sexist. My nickname for Liz Block is Blockhead. She’s as dumb as a rock. Maybe Rockhead is a better nickname.
Question. Mr. Mobeus, in the medical supplies business, it is important that we have the public’s trust. Can you give us your side of some of the accusations against you, especially in relation to women?
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Answer. In my criminal trial, I was not found guilty. It was a hung jury, but I never should have been tried in the first place. It was a witch hunt. I’ll tell you who is really guilty. It’s that Blockhead, Liz Block. She’s a woman in name only. Somebody should point a rifle at her head. Why, in my previous job, like in everything I do, I am a protector of women.
Question. We appreciate your dedication to women’s issues. Is there anything else that you’d like to add?
Answer. I’ve been a success at everything I’ve done. I think that there are a bunch of wacko no-talent losers out there who are jealous of my success, and some of them have tried to take me down by lying about my behavior toward women. Nobody has done more, for and to women than I have. I promise you this: when it comes to selling your medical supplies, women can count on me to decide what’s best for them, whether they like it or not.